Dear United States,
We Europeans have been watching. With popcorn. And confusion. And a growing sense of concern that maybe, just maybe, the American experiment in privatized freedom has taken a wrong turn somewhere between „Life, Liberty“ and „$39.95 for skin-to-skin contact.“
You see, over here, when a woman gives birth, we don’t bill her for the crime of loving her newborn. We don’t charge extra for hugs. And when a baby is placed on its mother’s chest, that moment isn’t followed by a credit card swipe.
In fact, unless you’re hiring a hooker, skin-to-skin contact is generally free.
Let that sink in.
Meanwhile, your hospitals are out here sending five-figure bills for what in most of Europe is called a Tuesday.
Let’s compare notes, shall we?
- Birth in Europe: Usually free, often comes with tea.
- Birth in the US: $10,000+ if everything goes right. More if it doesn’t.
- Skin-to-skin in Europe: Encouraged, beloved, human.
- Skin-to-skin in the US: „That’ll be $39.35, ma’am. Visa or Mastercard?“
- Paid parental leave in Europe: Yes.
- Paid parental leave in the US: LMAO.
Dear Democrats:
We see you struggling. We see you shouting into the void of the Senate. We see you trying to patch a system with duct tape made of empathy. And we just want to say:
Come back to Europe. This experiment is OVER.
We’ve got affordable healthcare, decent public transport, free hugs, and beer that doesn’t taste like disappointment. You’ll love it here.
Sincerely,
Your ex who got therapy
(Europe)
P.S. We also have universal education and we don’t turn GoFundMe into a national health service. Just saying.